A Question That's Better than Your Most Brilliant Advice
If you're running a team, maintaining your composure is your single most important skill. The slowest heart rate in the room runs the room. I help leaders manage their triggers so they run their teams more effectively.
When you're helping someone on your team who's been struggling, it's tempting to start the conversation by telling them all your brilliant ideas for solving their problems. But advice-giving typically backfires, because they will probably perceive you as a critic rather than as their ally.
And if they've already tried one or more of your suggestions and it "didn't work," you've lost credibility in their eyes.
So what should leaders do instead?
A common "coaching" move is to ask the person to generate options. That's the "O" in the well-known GROW model of coaching: desired Goal, current Reality, generate Options, choose what you Will do.
The problem with this approach is that you're asking them to pull a new solution out of an old mindset. If the problem is annoying or painful enough, if they could have solved it by thinking of a new strategy, they already would have.
Selecting potential future options in the absence of new insight is rarely helpful, and often feels like uninformed guesswork.
The best way to move forward isn’t to guess—it’s to build on what’s already been tested. Before exploring new solutions, leaders need to ask a crucial question:
What have you already tried?
Exploring past efforts keeps you from suggesting approaches that, in your employee's mind, have already failed.
By asking for a history of past attempts, you're allowing them to begin to see patterns. Like how they always do the same ineffective thing, or quit before they see results, or ask the wrong people for support. Now at least they can avoid repeating these same mistakes going forward.
And often, in that laundry list of what didn't work, they'll recall stuff that did, and they've stopped doing for whatever reason. But now it's their idea and their strategy, rather than one imposed by you.
How to Guide This Exploration Effectively
Ask Open-Ended Questions – Instead of assuming what has or hasn’t been done, ask: “What have you already tried?” and “What results did you see?”
Look for Small Wins – Even if something didn’t fully solve the problem, was there any part of it that worked? “Was there a time when things improved, even slightly?”
Analyze What Didn’t Work—and Why – Instead of dismissing failed attempts, ask: “What do you think prevented this from working?” This helps refine future strategies.
Encourage a Learning Mindset – Frame past efforts as experiments, not failures. “What insights did you gain from that approach?”
Identify Unexplored Avenues – Once you understand past efforts, ask: “What’s something you haven’t tried yet?” This encourages creative thinking.
The Business Impact of Reviewing Past Efforts
Leaders who encourage reflection before action see:
Smarter Decision-Making – Teams avoid repeating ineffective strategies.
Increased Confidence – People recognize that they’ve already taken steps, which builds momentum.
More Effective Problem-Solving – Instead of starting from scratch, teams refine and optimize their approaches.
Stronger Innovation – Learning from past efforts leads to better, more creative solutions.
The Takeaway
Progress isn’t about starting over—it’s about building on what’s already been learned. By taking the time to explore past efforts, leaders help their teams refine their approach, avoid unnecessary setbacks, and move forward with greater clarity and confidence.
How do you help your team learn from past attempts? Share your insights in the comments below.
If you'd like master your mindset and become an unflappable, Trigger-Free Leader, let's talk.
